turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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