My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
