bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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