We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
