Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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