when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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