i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
