Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
