After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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