my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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