: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am mentally ready for anal.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
