so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
