I'm so fucking centered right now
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
