I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
