3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
