you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
