its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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