Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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