so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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