The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
