he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
