There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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