so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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