I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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