Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.

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  (518): i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke. http://tfl.nu/bbix
  Replies (24) Good night (4181) Bad night (769)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.

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  (917): its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny. http://tfl.nu/2ipn
  Replies (10) Good night (845) Bad night (4267)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears

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  (505): the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears http://tfl.nu/h30c
  Replies (21) Good night (7295) Bad night (879)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me

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  (218): i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me http://tfl.nu/gpjb
  Replies (19) Good night (1360) Bad night (5218)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.

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  (402): Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house. http://tfl.nu/lo56
  Replies (8) Good night (1990) Bad night (1148)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.

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  (717): Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene. http://tfl.nu/3l38
  Replies (8) Good night (4181) Bad night (589)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.

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  (817): Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s. http://tfl.nu/orrl
  Replies (3) Good night (2653) Bad night (709)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.

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  (308): I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards. http://tfl.nu/31cw
  Replies (8) Good night (897) Bad night (633)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.

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  (770): You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask. http://tfl.nu/fd4w
  Replies (3) Good night (1245) Bad night (334)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.

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  (573): It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children. http://tfl.nu/cjdr
  Replies (2) Good night (822) Bad night (380)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time

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  (306): I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time http://tfl.nu/lht5
  Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (223)
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  (650): View more from California

  And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.

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  (650): And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time. http://tfl.nu/nm1x
  Replies (4) Good night (461) Bad night (255)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised

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  (614): i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised http://tfl.nu/gtie
  Replies (1) Good night (216) Bad night (430)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.

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  (920): Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass. http://tfl.nu/fgjj
  Replies (0) Good night (509) Bad night (366)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex

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  (336): I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex http://tfl.nu/wqyf
  Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (172)

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