The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.