Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.

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  (661): Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times. http://tfl.nu/sk4n
  Replies (19) Good night (892) Bad night (3916)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

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  (516): She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning http://tfl.nu/jaay
  Replies (12) Good night (1886) Bad night (6899)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...

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  (484): he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car... http://tfl.nu/7kdq
  Replies (5) Good night (2574) Bad night (1405)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me

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  (717): got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me http://tfl.nu/g14l
  Replies (6) Good night (4177) Bad night (1096)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..

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  (708): He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam.. http://tfl.nu/opqs
  Replies (30) Good night (3478) Bad night (2319)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?

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  (770): Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning? http://tfl.nu/sjpg
  Replies (5) Good night (2247) Bad night (1167)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.

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  (914): I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed. http://tfl.nu/d2yj
  Replies (5) Good night (2179) Bad night (834)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.

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  (717): He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes. http://tfl.nu/uq08
  Replies (12) Good night (1536) Bad night (1175)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.

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  (847): This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle. http://tfl.nu/3imx
  Replies (7) Good night (1770) Bad night (777)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome

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  (832): Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome http://tfl.nu/hrea
  Replies (4) Good night (2620) Bad night (677)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.

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  (615): All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me. http://tfl.nu/gv89
  Replies (2) Good night (895) Bad night (430)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  There's a naked man in my car right now.

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  (903): There's a naked man in my car right now. http://tfl.nu/6qzb
  Replies (6) Good night (755) Bad night (394)
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  (969): View more from

  You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?

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  (969): You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll? http://tfl.nu/xabj
  Replies (2) Good night (1015) Bad night (316)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that

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  (306): well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that http://tfl.nu/qqt3
  Replies (4) Good night (404) Bad night (773)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.

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  (217): I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober. http://tfl.nu/ry73
  Replies (2) Good night (413) Bad night (138)

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