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Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
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