Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
