oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections