she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
