hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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