Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
