were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
