So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
