so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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