new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
