grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
birth control should be required to get into college
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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