Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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