I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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