just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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