nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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