i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
