he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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