My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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