Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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