remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
