Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
