i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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