I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
