so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
