Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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