Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
