maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
