just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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