You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
