If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
