You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
