Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize