I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
