my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize