nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
