i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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