playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
