can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
