I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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