you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
