wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
