I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
