Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
