why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
