saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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