Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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