There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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