WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
