Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
