I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
