I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
