3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
