So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
