Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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