her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
