You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
