Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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