I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
