Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Everything about him screamed your future.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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